IT WAS THE TIME TO SAY GOODBYE
“ Why is it so noisy?” I frowned.
I really hate being awakened by someone when I was sleeping.
“ What is going on?” I was half awake. Finally, I went down from my warm bed and went to my sister’s bedroom which was next to me. I saw my mother and sister.
“ Are they crying or laughing?” I thought.
“ What happened?” I asked.
My mother looked at me and finally she said : “ Grandma had passed away.”
First, I was dumbfounded. Then I asked : “ Is today the first of April?” I really hoped the answer was “YES!”
“ Lim, grandma really passed away.” My sister broke my hope.
I looked into my mother eyes. Her eyes were red.
I felt numb. It was as if all the blood and energy in my body had drained away. I stood transfixed as I watched uncomprehendingly at my bloodshot eyes of my mother. A million questions seized me! How can this be possible? How could she dead? I had only just seen her yesterday and she looked as healthy as ever.
I dressed in black and my father drove us to my uncle’s house. I walked in like a zombie out from the car, took off my shoes and walked toward where my grandmother lay on the white bed in the middle of the living room. Grandmother was just a cold, lifeless body resting on the white bed. It was the cough that stopped my grandmother from taking her last breath, according to my mother. I still could not believe it. It had to be a cruel and sick dream. I did not even have a chance to talk to her during her dying moment. Now she was gone. Forever .
I sat next to her, looked at her face. My tears rolled down my cheeks. I could still remember her smile, her voice, her blinking eyes and everything about her. My grandmother always wanted to be free, so she always moved from one house to another among her children. She had four daughters and five sons. Six of them live in Sibu and the rest of them at other places in Sarawak. Most of the time, she stayed with my family as my mother could take care of her. Hence, I had a closer relationship with her than others as I spent a lot of time with her.
However, my grandmother went to stay with my aunty a week before her passing. Yesterday, I went to visit her with my parents.
“ I got a lot of things to do when I go to your house.” She told me.
“ What do you want to do?” I asked.
“ I want to go to hair saloon to perm my hair, go to night market, make a lot of cakes…….” She said.
“ Grandma, did you forget something?” I looked into her eyes.
She smiled and said : “ And I want to see my dear granddaughter to score all As’ in her exam. Is that alright?”
“ YES!” I shouted. And, she laughed.
That was the last time I talked to her, I saw her smile, I heard her voice and her laughed. It was the last time I hold her in my warm embrace. I heard someone called me but I was so busy comforting myself to accept this ruthless fact. I did not respond to any call until someone touched my hand. It was my cousin. Everyone gathered at my uncle’s house. I stood up. I walked like a living dead away from the living room, wore my shoes, out of the crowded house. I sat on one of the wooden benches in the garden and started to cry as I had never cried before.
For the following days, I stayed near my grandmother’s dead body as I still hoped she would wake up from her sleep. I really hoped this was a dream but the truth was always cruel. I had to accept this fact. Slowly, I began to eat something because I knew my parents were worried about me. However, I did not step away from my grandmother.
When it was the time for us to bury grandmother, I knew it was time to say goodbye to her. I saw them helped to beautify my grandmother and placed her dead body into her coffin. I was led by an unknown hand to walk around the coffin three times. For the last time, I stood to look at my grandmother peaceful face. Then, someone asked me to bow three times. Finally, they nailed the coffin. On the way to my grandmother’s burial place, I cried again. I had never experienced this type of feeling. I thought no one would leave me and everyone would live a long life and just until that moment, I realized the one I love would leave me one day.
When they placed the coffin into its burial ground, I prayed. I prayed that I would see my grandmother one day when I too depart from this world. My mother gave me a white chrysanthemum and I went approached my grandmother’s resting place. Then, I placed the flower onto the coffin. I stared for a long time until my mother called me to leave.
“ Goodbye, grandma.” I whispered. Soft breeze blew with the scent of the chrysanthemum.
